show me what im looking for

just wish you could be mine again.
not this guy you've become.
and not the guy you used to be.
but your happier without me....
so i should just be happy your happy.
even though i wish with all my heart you were as miserable
and confussed as i am right now.
i havnt cried this freely in a long time.
it feels good just to let it go, let it fall without me holding it back.

i wish you werent so damn perfect.
i wish you could just tell me that you wish i was there.
i cant beleive that im just gone in your life.
ive known this for a month or more...
and i still wont beleive it.
this is proably the worst ive felt in a long time.

youve gotten taller...
and your voice has gotten deeper...
and your attitude has became cooler....
you turned into everything i was glad you werent.
a guy with no fucking substance.
you also drink way to damn much.
asshole. why did you have to change...
and even after you changed why cant i get over you?

fuck life

ignoring me makes it better doesnt it?
asshole.

i want to get over this bad part in my life.
these bad times happen, and i know it.
but its been bad for about 6 months.
and he is making it so much worse.
acting like he doesnt give a shit about me.
he makes me feel like shit.

my family owes $10,000 to the government because we made more then we thought.
how does that even happen?
just because we make alot doesnt mean we have to pay all this fucking money.
we earned it, right?
ugh.

i wish she would just let me in.
i want to help her so badly.
she doesnt know how much she means to me.
but i know she wants space.
just wish i could give her a hug.

school is getting harder....which is werid.
and im totally getting seinoritis.
plus in like all my classes, im completely ignored.
im invisible, people bump into me and dont even say sorry, like i was a wall or something.

i want to move away next year, just slip away from all these people.
but i dont have any money, and its hard to find a job.
i want to find myself and relize that high school was just a shitty time.
i want to forget the goood times for awhile, and just remeber why it sucked so itll be easier to move on.
espically with him. all i can think about is the amazing times i had with him.
it was two years of my life, which isnt alot, but right now it is.
and now he doesnt care.
god it hurts.

i keep thinking about what happend over and over again in my mind.
it doesnt seem real. almost feel numb. not sure what to do.
i want to help my friend so badly. be there for her, but we all heal in different ways.

although i wasnt as close to Liz as alot of people, i always thought very highly of her. she was always sweet to me. buying me flip-flops at a wal-mart before we went to huricane harbor because i forgot mine at home, and she didnt want my feet to hurt. always giving me a cold water bottle before we left the house. giving me rides home after school when it was to hot to walk. i will miss her so much. and i give all my love to tiffany, brad and bob.

i hate to cry because of you

you hurt my feelings so much.
i hate how much control you have over me.
i hate the fact that your over me, when all i can do is think about you.
i feel like i never meant shit to you.
you were only sad for a week.
one fucking week for two years of dating....
god i just want you to care.
you rather hang out with anybody BUT me.
you only hang out with me because you feel bad for making me miserable.
who the fuck are you?
i hate who you have become.
i hate you.
i hate you.
i hate you.

i promised myself id never get one.

i cant believe i have a blog.
truthfully i think their really pointless,
but i have alot of thoughts to say and not one to tell them too.
i might as well say them here.